Again, I want to stress that I am not a professional marriage counselor. However, what I have learned about marriage comes not from having the perfect marriage, but less than perfect marriage. This allows me to learn first-hand some important lessons with regards to saving your marriage or maintaining the spark that lasts for the duration of your vows (which last time I checked was for the rest of your LIFE).

Tip #2: Regularly Date Your Spouse

Too often, marriages get stuck in the week-after-week routine of life between work, chores, children, schedules, activities, etc. The last thing we often make time for is each other and going out on a date becomes a once-a-month (maybe) event. Now when I say “going on a date”, I don’t necessarily mean having to go outside of the house, perhaps getting a paid sitter for the kids, and spending a lot of money on an expensive date.

Making time for a date night can be as easy as spending an hour together and just focusing on each other at home. The important thing is to make the time and do it often.

After a serious crisis time in our marriage several years ago (one in which some marriages would have perhaps split apart), we set apart one night a week (for us it was every Thursday night) and we went out. We had a friend who volunteered to come and hang out with our kids for free, and we would go out for a walk, or coffee, or a movie, or dinner. The point was, we made “US” an extremely high priority in our schedule. That was crucial for us in allowing our marriage to heal and grow.

There is one thing that I need to stress regarding the “date nights”: Men and women connect relationally on different levels.

Men can bond (with other men or women) by sitting and watching a game on TV or going and seeing a movie together. The connecting time can be spent without much talking done. It is more of sharing an event or moment that men feel connected by.

Women on the other hand bond relationally (with women or men) by communicating. Talking about issues, feelings, current events is what allows women to bond.
I say this because it is important for a marriage to recognize these fundamental differences. If a husband does nothing but suggest they go to a movie everytime they go out on a date night, the wife will become resentful and discouraged. Likewise, if a wife suggests that everytime they go out, they just get coffee and sit and talk, the guy will become less likely to desire these times. The best thing would be to switch off every time. One time, a date night might be renting a movie and cuddling on the couch watching it, the next might be going for a walk, finding a nice spot to sit and just engaging in conversation. The main thing is that each person is bonding the way they tend to bond.

If actually scheduling these dates help, do it. If nothing else, it says to each other that you each matter and that “US” is just as important as “THEM” or “IT”…